Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
