ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
porn star boner night. come get it.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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