I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
