i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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