There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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