I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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