it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize