Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
worst night to have a conscience
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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