Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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