Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
