woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
