I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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