Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
