3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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