I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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