TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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