one word: firstdatebathroomanal
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
