omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
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