Cold hands, warm shart.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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