I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
