you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
