covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She told me I should be a condom model.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
