you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
