So gin and wine won't be happening again
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
