think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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