The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
