mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
