Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just want nice things and good sex
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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