she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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