I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
