I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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