If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
