So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Michael Bay diarrhea
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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