I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
