please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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