She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
third nipple confirmed
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
