He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
