I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
worst night to have a conscience
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
