We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
