***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
