I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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