Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
