yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize