my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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