i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
