Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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