Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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