i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
