I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
