I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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