it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
