Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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