I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
