If you die in college, do you die in real life?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
