I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
