1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
