just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
