He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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